Іаанна Чабан. Цуд.

CzabanJoanna-fot-001– На жаль, нічога для вас няма, – інфармуе Верку галоўна­ўпраўляючы. – Лепш будзе, калі пашукаеце працы ў іншых мясцовасцях. Іншыя выязджаюць, дык і вы выязджайце.

– Няма для мяне нават маіх пяці гадзін? – пытаецца з недаверам Верка. – Вы ж абяцалі, што прынамсі гэта мне можаце гарантаваць.

Як гэта магчыма, усё ж было ў парадку. Хвалілі, падтрымлівалі, нават на курсы паслалі, каб пашырыць магчымасці працаўладкавання. Праўда, курсы ў адрозненні ад іншых настаўнікаў той жа школы прыйшлося Верцы аплачываць з уласнай, худой кішэні. Вельмі хацела верыць у абяцанкі лепшага заўтра. І вось толькі што паявіўся новы дыплом, а тут – такая навіна!

– Званілі са школы ў Петушках, прапанавалі пасаду нашаму матэматыку Ігнату Касінскаму. Я падумала, што і вы матэматык, так няхай вас возьмуць. На жаль, мне паяснілі, што вас ужо добра ведаюць і рашуча адмаўляюцца. Дык вы там працавалі? – цікавіцца дырэктар

– Не, ніколі. Праўда, неаднаразова пасылала туды сваё «сіві», але нават на размову не запрасілі, – адказвае стурбаваная Верка.

У пасляваенны перыяд у Бельск-Падляшскі пасылалі польскіх чыноўнікаў, а беларускіх з таго ж Бельска ладкавалі на працу ў іншых кутках Польшчы. Калі Верцы прыйдзецца і цяпер ездзіць некалькі дзесяткаў кіламетраў дзень у дзень, туды і назад, ёй проста не хопіць часу на працу з дзецьмі, якую выконвае бясплатна, пасля школы. А так добра пачало ўсё развівацца, шкода пакідаць. Найгорш, што ніхто апрача Веркі не будзе гэтым займацца ні бясплатна, ні платна.

– Які жах! – цяжка ўздыхае Верка.

Але ж калі б цяпер яе захацелі ў гэтых Петушках, як жа яна туды паедзе. А што будзе з яе маленькім дзіцём? Хто павядзе яго ў школу, хто адбярэ, завязе два разы ў тыдзень сорак кіламетраў на рэабілітацыю?.. А хто зімой напаліць у печках раніцай? Значыць, трэба ўсё пакідаць і перасяляцца з дзіцём.

Ужо дзесяць гадоў Верка змагаецца з бядой. Але не сароміцца быць сабою, змагаецца за пашану чалавека, любоў да бліжняга незалежна ад нацыянальнасці ці веравызнання. Рашуча супраціўляецца па-­
літыцы помсты і нянавісці. Верыць, што ўсякія праблемы можна вырашыць выключна дарогай дыялогу і зразумення. Не належыць да ніякай мясцовай групіроўкі, супольнасці. Рытуалы заступае свабодай выбару і думкі. Не марыць пра далёкія падарожжы, дарагія аўтамабілі ці вопратку. За тое засмакавала жыцця ў раю. У тым жа раю патаемна вывучае біяграфіі вялікіх, нікому тут невядомых землякоў, людзей творчых, добра адукаваных, з прынцыпамі. Яны думалі як Верка, жылі як Верка ў бядзе і незразуменні. Кожны з іх меў свой час, свае пяць хвілін. Гэта персоны нонграта з сапраўды трагічным завяршэннем. Або канчалі самі з сабой, або з імі канчалі.

– Глядзі, каб і з табою так не сталося, – асцерагае яе сябра, якому вядомыя гэтыя   жыццяпісы. Праўду кажучы, і яму ёсць чаго баяцца, ён жа таксама адзінокі рыцар –змагар за сваю справу.

Чаму Верка так перажывае адыход са школы? Працавала там толькі адзін навучальны сезон, па пяць гадзін у тыдзень, за зусім смешныя грошы. Не грошы, а грошыкі. Сусед убачыўшы слёзы кроплямі сплываючыя па шчоках Веркі стараўся яе суцешыць:

– Чым тут пераймацца, я і так дзіўлюся, як ты змагла гэта вытрымаць. Я б сам згэтуль уцякаў куды вочы панясуць.

– Коля, а калі б адабралі ў цябе ўсе вуды і забаранілі рыбалкі, як бы ты сябе адчуваў? – кажа яму Верка

– Ніхто не зможа мне гэтага забараніць! – усхваляваўся зацяты рыбалоў.

– Так вось мне адабралі мае вуды. Я па дзетках плачу, па моладзі. Ты зразумей, што я, наканец, на пятым дзесятку жыцця, дзякуючы ім знайшла сваё шчасце. Менавіта ў гэтай школе. Толькі ў гэтай школе. Нідзе больш не знайшла я столькі ахвоты, сілы і сэнсу жыцця. Я патрыётка, разумееш, закалёная патрыётка. Не ўяўляю сябе нідзе больш. Не магу, за ніякія скарбы свету! Няхай мне плацяць горы золата за пераезд, а я не пераеду. Буду грызці зямлю, а застануся тут. Нават не сумняваюся, не тужу за гэтым лепшым светам. Тут гавораць, што я нетутэйшая, хаця так добра ведаю і кахаю гэтае месца. Безупынна раскрываю новыя карты яго гісторыі, культуры. Запісываю для наступных пакаленняў. Я зразумела, што кахаю абсалютна ўсё, што звязана з гэтым месцам, а значыць і дзяцей. Для мне вельмі важнае, каб выраслі яны на асаблівых людзей, мудрых і дабрадушных.

І адкуль узялося у Веркі гэтае „кахаю”? Мабыць ад самых малых, з прадшколля, якія кожныя заняткі пачыналі з „я вас кахаю”. Чаму тады яны не могуць карыстацца яе ведамі і досведам. Кожную сустрэчу з імі ўспрымала Верка як найважнейшую сустрэчу ў свеце. Іх вочы загараліся святлом, прачыналіся з зімовага, мядзведжага сну. Яны б усё жыццё праспалі. І вось раптам ім захацелася хацець. Бягуць за ёй па вуліцы, просяць вярнуцца: „Вы ж столькі ведаеце, а скуль вы гэта ведаеце?” – дзівяцца.

Што яны сабе цяпер падумаюць? Мабыць, што не варта быць сабою, не варта развівацца, што ёсць толькі грошы. Верка іх вельмі шкадуе. І самой сябе ёй таксама шкада. Такія планы, ідэі, колькі ж гэтага ўсяго маглі яны супольна перажыць! Усё прапала, лопнула быццам мыльная бурбалка.

У школе Верка ўпершыню адчула сябе чалавекам. Доўгія гады не ведала, што гэта такое быць поўнавартасным чалавекам. Жабравала ў мясцовых уладароў на лусту хлеба, безвынікова. Нават вуліцы не давалі ёй прыбіраць. Паўтаралі, што маюць іншых. Яе асцерагалі: „З такім светапоглядам тут месца табе ніколі не будзе”. Найбольш балела, калі праходзячы з дзіцём у калясцы побач крамы з прадуктамі, не было за што купіць гэтай лустачкі. Ніхто з ёй не вітаўся, не загаварыў, не зайшоў да яе хаты. Жыла быццам хворая на нейку вельмі заразную хваробу. Ведалі, што Верка заражвае, вельмі гэтага баяліся. Дзіця часам вярталася з плачам дахаты таму, што іншыя смяяліся і гаварылі, што ў яе мамы няма грошай нават на лустачку хлеба.

– А ты скажы ім, – тлумачыла тады Верка, – што твая мама нават апошняй лустай з імі падзеліцца.

І раптам падарылі ёй пяць гадзін. Пяць гадзін, якія памянялі ёй увесь свет. Здарыўся сапраўдны цуд. Цуд, які не патрабаваў ніякіх медычных экспертызаў. Хапала толькі пяці гадзін, каб атрымаць паўнату шчасця, каб стаць сапраўдным чалавекам. І цяпер ёй гэта шчасце адымаюць. Шкадуюць ёй нават пяці гадзін, гэта ж толькі пяць гадзін.

Але Верка не паслухае парад, нікуды яна згэтуль не паедзе. Будзе цярпліва чакаць чарговага цуду. Хто ведае, можа, калі дачакаецца.

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